Monthly Archives: September 2016

Does Your Ex Really Exist?

Sometimes things seem like they couldn’t have been real, yet we know we didn’t imagine them. What we think or believe about other people is based on perception therefore only a concept.Woman in posed showing confusion
Our perceptions about relationships come from the instructions or programming of our families, cultural media, schooling, religious teachings, personal preferences and other influences.

This means that what you think of your ex is based on concepts which by nature are in a state of flux. That you are no longer together proves that at least one person’s perceptions have shifted and that perceptions do change.

Any feeling you have toward an ex or anyone else in your life, be it positive or negative, inflated or deflated, is only a thought, idea, or emotion. Whether you remember them as the best person or the worst, it is still based on your limited view.

We rarely see the Real Truth behind anyone and are even less likely to do so with the emotionally charged memories of our ex-partners.

We judge people by their appearances, the personalities they project, their supposedly good or bad traits, and through the filters of our values. Most of our values are not the
result of any original thought, but rather based on things taught to us by others or programmed into us as children.

Most of what we perceive in others are our own judgments and projections mixed with their stories; the stories they tell us, the ones they act out, and the ones we see. All of these
stories are subject to interpretation, which we already showed is not so accurate by nature. If a person lives up to our expectations based on our preconceived perceptions and projections, we are pleased with them. If they fall short, we are not so pleased, if we cannot learn to accept them.

Yet all these judgments, perceptions, or stories are not really the real truth behind who anyone really is. Most people don’t even know the real truth behind who or what they are. Instead, we cling to our stories no matter how close or far from accuracy they may be. For example, we all know people who claim to be one thing and act out something else.

In any relationship, there exists the possibility of one misconception looking at another misconception from the start. In such cases, drawing conclusions can only be inaccurate, and
often the relationship is on course for failure.

No matter how much it may hurt, and it does, these are all just stories and perceptions from the past. Even if that person did some very horrible things, it is still the past and now
just a story. This does not mean you are wrong to still carry the scars or the pain, but the sooner you can let go of the story the better. If you suffered violence or abuse and need help to let go, please get it. There is wisdom in knowing when help is needed and asking for it. You need to get free from the past.

In conclusion, yes, your ex most likely still exists at the physical level, but what you perceive may not be so accurate. You may hate them, or miss them terribly. You may feel you screwed up ever dating that person in the first place. You may believe you made huge errors and can never have that person back because you did not appreciate how wonderful they are.

A person yearning for the ex they took for granted is simply experiencing a shift in perception, perhaps even encouraged by a rejection. It is often a story best let go. A person still filled with anger toward an ex is clinging to a story that is best forgotten. Both extremes freeze you in time, the past. They imprison you. They interfere with your clarity and detract from your happiness or peace of mind. Given time, your present view can shift or change.

In that sense, your ex as you perceive them may not exist. This includes both what you thought at the beginning of the relationship and what you think currently. What we remember is only a concept, a filtered idea from the past in a world of constant flux, while truth itself never changes. We are all spiritual beings temporarily existing in a material realm. It is best for us if we can forgive. We don’t do it for them. We do it for us.

Paul Nieto – The Old Dirt Road

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A Quick Look at the Story of Ramana Maharshi

picture of Ramana Marharshi


Ramana Maharshi was born in 1879 as Venkataraman Iyer, in what is now Tiruchuli, Tamil Nadu, India.  After a near death experience and spiritual awakening in 1896, he had to sneak away from his family because they would not approve of him becoming a sannyasin – one whose life is marked by renunciation of material desires and who detaches from material life. He took a train to Tiruvannamalai and stayed in that area till the end of his life.

[See map below – The lower star is Tiruchuli. the upper star is Tiruvannamalai.]

Early Spiritual Life

Three years later in February 1899, Ramana left the foothills to live on the Arunachala Hill (actually a mountain) eventually taking up residence at Virupaksha Cave for the next 17 years.

One of Ramana Maharshi’s first teachings of note was his reply to a series of questions asked by Sri M. Sivaprakasam Pillai about the year 1902.  Pillai was visiting the area representing the Revenue Department of the South Arcot Collectorate.  While there, he went to Virupaksha Cave on Arunachala Hill and met Ramana Maharshi This record of this was first published by Sri Pillai in 1923 and titled Who Am I (Nan Yar?). [ There is a link to free copy at end of article.]

Another slightly longer work, titled Self-Enquiry, was published by Gambhiram Seshayya during the same time period.  Seshayya was the Municipal Overseer at Tiruvannamalai circa 1900. This work, titled Self-Enquiry, came from notes taken between 1900 -1902. Both this work and ‘Who Am I?’ are available for free on the internet.

Lower star is Tiruchuli. Upper star is Tiruvannamalai.

Introduction to the west

Other works included a biography of Ramana Maharshi, Self Realisation: The Life and Teachings of Ramana Maharshi, written by B. V. Narasimha, published in 1931, and A Search in Secret India, by Paul Brunton. Brunton’s book became a best-seller and it was then that Ramana Maharshi became well-known outside of India.

His Passing

In November 1948, a tiny cancerous lump was found on Ramana’s arm. The story is that since he was so beloved, he had access to the best medal treatment available but did not take much interest. Ramana gave his medical patch to another suffering man to see if perhaps it would help him. The other man lived, but Ramana Maharshi died on April 14, 1950 at 8:47 P.M. At the same time of his death, a shooting star was seen.


Ramana Maharshi’s teachings recommended self-enquiry as the principal means to remove ignorance and gain self-awareness when combined with bhakti (devotion). Keep in mind that his not the same self-enquiry of modern psychology.  Ramana Maharshi ‘s method of Self-Enquiry consists of the question ‘Who am I?’. Ramana Maharshi taught it is the primary means of gaining happiness and knowing one’s self or true nature.

The answer to “Who Am I’ is not what is commonly given – “I am so-and-so. I have a wife and two kids and work at such-and-such.” Instead, it consists of the stripping away of what you are not. You are not the body. You are not the senses, you are not the organs of speech, movement, etc. You are not the breath. Neither are you nescience.  Neither are you the mind, thoughts or emotions.

What he uncovers is that what remains after all these things or ideas are stripped away is who you are.  You are the awareness that remains, the observer, the one who sees, or the one who watches what the mind thinks.  You are the force that allows all these things to happen. Once who you are departs, they stop.

You will note this runs contrary to some popular western ideas such as, “You are the sum total of all your thoughts,” or that all the above is the compilation of who you are. Which is right? That is for you to decide.

Ramana Maharshi’s teachings say you are that force, spirit, or observer period. You are not a combination of body, mind, and a spirit – you are the spirit. The spirit is a separate entity and all those other things are merely instruments of it. You are the observer and once you realize this and stay in that knowledge your problems begin to crumble.

The method is simple, but carrying it out is difficult.

Article by The Old Dirt Road – Paul Nieto

Free Links for his works:
Who Am I? (Nan Yar?)

Article by The Old Dirt Road – Paul Nieto

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