Sometimes things seem like they couldn’t have been real, yet we know we didn’t imagine them. What we think or believe about other people is based on perception therefore only a concept.
Our perceptions about relationships come from the instructions or programming of our families, cultural media, schooling, religious teachings, personal preferences and other influences.
This means that what you think of your ex is based on concepts which by nature are in a state of flux. That you are no longer together proves that at least one person’s perceptions have shifted and that perceptions do change.
Any feeling you have toward an ex or anyone else in your life, be it positive or negative, inflated or deflated, is only a thought, idea, or emotion. Whether you remember them as the best person or the worst, it is still based on your limited view.
We rarely see the Real Truth behind anyone and are even less likely to do so with the emotionally charged memories of our ex-partners.
We judge people by their appearances, the personalities they project, their supposedly good or bad traits, and through the filters of our values. Most of our values are not the
result of any original thought, but rather based on things taught to us by others or programmed into us as children.
Most of what we perceive in others are our own judgments and projections mixed with their stories; the stories they tell us, the ones they act out, and the ones we see. All of these
stories are subject to interpretation, which we already showed is not so accurate by nature. If a person lives up to our expectations based on our preconceived perceptions and projections, we are pleased with them. If they fall short, we are not so pleased, if we cannot learn to accept them.
Yet all these judgments, perceptions, or stories are not really the real truth behind who anyone really is. Most people don’t even know the real truth behind who or what they are. Instead, we cling to our stories no matter how close or far from accuracy they may be. For example, we all know people who claim to be one thing and act out something else.
In any relationship, there exists the possibility of one misconception looking at another misconception from the start. In such cases, drawing conclusions can only be inaccurate, and
often the relationship is on course for failure.
No matter how much it may hurt, and it does, these are all just stories and perceptions from the past. Even if that person did some very horrible things, it is still the past and now
just a story. This does not mean you are wrong to still carry the scars or the pain, but the sooner you can let go of the story the better. If you suffered violence or abuse and need help to let go, please get it. There is wisdom in knowing when help is needed and asking for it. You need to get free from the past.
In conclusion, yes, your ex most likely still exists at the physical level, but what you perceive may not be so accurate. You may hate them, or miss them terribly. You may feel you screwed up ever dating that person in the first place. You may believe you made huge errors and can never have that person back because you did not appreciate how wonderful they are.
A person yearning for the ex they took for granted is simply experiencing a shift in perception, perhaps even encouraged by a rejection. It is often a story best let go. A person still filled with anger toward an ex is clinging to a story that is best forgotten. Both extremes freeze you in time, the past. They imprison you. They interfere with your clarity and detract from your happiness or peace of mind. Given time, your present view can shift or change.
In that sense, your ex as you perceive them may not exist. This includes both what you thought at the beginning of the relationship and what you think currently. What we remember is only a concept, a filtered idea from the past in a world of constant flux, while truth itself never changes. We are all spiritual beings temporarily existing in a material realm. It is best for us if we can forgive. We don’t do it for them. We do it for us.
Paul Nieto – The Old Dirt Road
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