Tag Archives: Relationships

When Someone Advances and No Longer Has Time for You

girl texting

Often when a person advances, old friends or supporters will notice that the person no longer has the time for them that they once did. One may think or say things such as “he’s changed.” Notice that change is framed as though it is a bad thing. But is it? Maybe, maybe not, but since when is not changing a virtue? Isn’t life by nature generally about change and growth?

Instead, it is best to think, “well, good for them.” If they have moved up or advanced and no longer have time to answer your calls or texts, that’s great! Be happy that they are improving, moving on, or fulfilling their purpose. After all, what kind of friend, has a pity party in their friend’s success? Certainly, that is no real friend.

Sometimes, perhaps a person worked with the recently promoted or helped the recently promoted to get where he was. Maybe the complainer supported or sometimes worked closely with the advancing person. You may hear them say, “I guess he thinks he’s too good for me now,” or “he doesn’t even appreciate all I did for him.” But did that person do it only for the other or did they in part do it for themselves? Were they forced to do it? Were they forced to help? Didn’t they want to do it? If not, that is their own error and not the fault of anyone else. If it was an on-the-job situation, weren’t they paid for it?

As for your personal situation don’t forget, if you had not been there, someone else would have most likely filled your role instead. That aside, it’s still good when someone advances, even if they no longer return calls or texts. It’s good they moved forward. Perhaps any resentment you have may show where your life is lacking.

If you were of any help to this person succeeding, even a small part, that is wonderful. It is great if you supported or assisted, even in a small way. Take a good look at yourself. Perhaps it’s
now time for you to do something bigger. You cannot be a good leader until you are a good follower. If you followed this person well and now they advanced, you are a good follower and your chance has just come closer.

If you aren’t interested in leading that is fine too. Leaders need support. What good is a leader with no supporters or good team players to help carry out the work? Nothing will get done. The small tasks a team player does is just as important as what the advancing person does. If you actually helped them, that is great. Perhaps you are good at what you do.
Perhaps you are a great and valuable team player. Perhaps you are a good support person. Those can be hard to find. There is no less glory in being a team player, or a support person, rather than the leader. All need each other. All are of equal importance. All parts combine to make the whole.

Consider this. Just keep doing what you are doing and if necessary find another team. Also, remember that unconditional love is happy to let go when the time arrives. That means everything is going as it should be. Maybe you thought that you were good friends. Friends should know when to let go. True friends can meet up ten years later and start right where the left off. Let go. Let them find their way.

So next time you don’t get a reply, look at your phone and smile. Be happy they moved on to bigger things. They may merely be short of time now, and maybe you should be glad it’s not you. Team players take a lot fewer problems home and find it easier to sit back and relax. Chances are you’re just as lucky as they are and sometimes even luckier. Enjoy life. Next time they don’t reply, smile and wish them the best.

The Old Dirt Road

Paul Nieto
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Does Your Ex Really Exist?

Sometimes things seem like they couldn’t have been real, yet we know we didn’t imagine them. What we think or believe about other people is based on perception therefore only a concept.Woman in posed showing confusion
Our perceptions about relationships come from the instructions or programming of our families, cultural media, schooling, religious teachings, personal preferences and other influences.

This means that what you think of your ex is based on concepts which by nature are in a state of flux. That you are no longer together proves that at least one person’s perceptions have shifted and that perceptions do change.

Any feeling you have toward an ex or anyone else in your life, be it positive or negative, inflated or deflated, is only a thought, idea, or emotion. Whether you remember them as the best person or the worst, it is still based on your limited view.

We rarely see the Real Truth behind anyone and are even less likely to do so with the emotionally charged memories of our ex-partners.

We judge people by their appearances, the personalities they project, their supposedly good or bad traits, and through the filters of our values. Most of our values are not the
result of any original thought, but rather based on things taught to us by others or programmed into us as children.

Most of what we perceive in others are our own judgments and projections mixed with their stories; the stories they tell us, the ones they act out, and the ones we see. All of these
stories are subject to interpretation, which we already showed is not so accurate by nature. If a person lives up to our expectations based on our preconceived perceptions and projections, we are pleased with them. If they fall short, we are not so pleased, if we cannot learn to accept them.

Yet all these judgments, perceptions, or stories are not really the real truth behind who anyone really is. Most people don’t even know the real truth behind who or what they are. Instead, we cling to our stories no matter how close or far from accuracy they may be. For example, we all know people who claim to be one thing and act out something else.

In any relationship, there exists the possibility of one misconception looking at another misconception from the start. In such cases, drawing conclusions can only be inaccurate, and
often the relationship is on course for failure.

No matter how much it may hurt, and it does, these are all just stories and perceptions from the past. Even if that person did some very horrible things, it is still the past and now
just a story. This does not mean you are wrong to still carry the scars or the pain, but the sooner you can let go of the story the better. If you suffered violence or abuse and need help to let go, please get it. There is wisdom in knowing when help is needed and asking for it. You need to get free from the past.

In conclusion, yes, your ex most likely still exists at the physical level, but what you perceive may not be so accurate. You may hate them, or miss them terribly. You may feel you screwed up ever dating that person in the first place. You may believe you made huge errors and can never have that person back because you did not appreciate how wonderful they are.

A person yearning for the ex they took for granted is simply experiencing a shift in perception, perhaps even encouraged by a rejection. It is often a story best let go. A person still filled with anger toward an ex is clinging to a story that is best forgotten. Both extremes freeze you in time, the past. They imprison you. They interfere with your clarity and detract from your happiness or peace of mind. Given time, your present view can shift or change.

In that sense, your ex as you perceive them may not exist. This includes both what you thought at the beginning of the relationship and what you think currently. What we remember is only a concept, a filtered idea from the past in a world of constant flux, while truth itself never changes. We are all spiritual beings temporarily existing in a material realm. It is best for us if we can forgive. We don’t do it for them. We do it for us.

Paul Nieto – The Old Dirt Road

Follow me on Google+ https://plus.google.com/108708453661646027048/posts

Do you like this blog? Why not subscribe? No SPAM or sales letters. I only post 2 – 5 times per month.


Attention Writers

Is your setting weak? Is it missing convincing elements? Are you having trouble getting started or filling in the details?

Maybe you just want to learn more about setting or need a few ideas.

Picture of book by Paul Nieto - Quick Essentials of  Setting and Worldbuilding

Click now. Only $0.99 at Amazon.
Free on Amazon Prime