Everyone knows you need to forgive, that it sets you free, and that you can’t be at peace until you have forgiven. We often see the results of someone that lacks forgiveness when something hits a nerve. The person suddenly turns into an angry and animated stranger within seconds.
The cost of not forgiving is steep. It is unhealthy emotionally. It helps fuel the bitterness and anger that is part of the root of many diseases and other physical conditions. The smartest thing we can do is to learn to forgive, not for the sake of the other person but for ourselves. Until we forgive, we are still chained to that person or event, frozen in time so to speak. No matter how much we believe we have buried something, it is still likely to come back, maybe even on an innocent person.
Armed with this knowledge, an article on brainwave technology appeared. The premise is that recordings at certain frequencies will bring your brain to the theta state, or the same state monks reach in meditation of years of practice. Interestingly, this state is ideal for reprogramming and new learning. Imagine my surprise when the system had a $700 price tag. The good news, as fate would have it, is I found a free sample on what else but forgiveness.
Armed with my new thirty-minute-long MP3 download that included the latest in brainwave technology, I was ready to take on the holy grail of forgiveness. It sounded easy, after all, I had already forgiven everyone. It was only an exercise to be sure nothing was missed. I randomly decided on forty days with no less than 30 minutes per day, much of it during walks or while exercising, or before sleep in bed.
The frequencies were enjoyable. They were relaxing and could induce a lightheaded state. The positive forgiveness affirmations were simple. Below are the observations and conclusions from the experience.
- It is easier to spot the lack of forgiveness in others now. It is much easier to see their past issues coming into the present situation.
- I am more aware of when I am not in a forgiving or accepting state, yet still get to that state despite the awareness of it.
- People often forget that forgiveness is not just for the past but that is also very important for the present moment. We seem trained to look at the past to forgive, but that is only half of it – it needs to be done in the present moment. Doing so can save considerable grief and angst.
- Since we must forgive in the present moment, forgiveness includes acceptance; acceptance of others, or in other words, forgiving them for being different, the way they are, or how they think. It includes acceptance of situations and things we cannot control, and are perhaps wiser not trying to control.
- It is easy to forgive people from a distance. Yet what is easy at a distance becomes quite difficult to do face to face. Old habits of anger toward certain people still creep up no matter how much you believe you have forgiven them.
- Most people are not aware of their hidden resentments or childhood programming regarding forgiveness. They simply do not see its impact on the present or even acknowledge it exists. The intellectual acknowledgment of forgiveness, or even the belief of having forgiven someone, is not the same as actual forgiveness.
- It seems logical to conclude that almost anyone who says they are over it and have forgiven everyone is most likely unaware of their own lack of forgiveness, fooling themselves, or among the few who are simply posturing. I bet that together we could have them seething in just a few minutes or less.
The biggest lesson learned is that I have further to go than believed before the 40 days started and am pretty certain most other people do too. I have not forgiven as much as I thought. It was only the intellectual idea that I had and, in some cases, the actual belief.
Until a person looks at a map to see where they are starting and acknowledges where they are on the map, the map won’t do much good. Looking at forgiveness with an honest open mind and searching out where you are on the map is an important place to start.