Below is an outline I created some years ago on the potential problems with sex outside of marriage from a Biblical perspective. For simplicity, I have chosen to put this in outline form.

• Why Sex During Dating Can Be Harmful
  • Once sex has started the two persons who are not right for each other will bond more than they should so early in the relationship.
    • A person will accept character flaws that one normally would not accept.
    • A person will accept behavior that one normally would not tolerate.
    • A person will miss or deny any warning signs about the other person or the relationship as they are revealed.
  • Both will lose objectivity about the other person and relationship and believe themselves to still have that objectivity.
    • The two are most likely to deny that they have lost any objectivity.
  • The couple isolates themselves too much – cutting out friends and activities that they should not be giving up, instead of encouraging each other to do the things and work they should be doing.
  • It increases the pain of the person who is the victim of the breakup – it could be you.
  • There is a risk of potentially deadly diseases if both are not tested first.
  • It can lead and often does lead, to a marriage that should never have taken place by either false emotions or pregnancy.
    • Once the thrill wears off, one or both realize that the person in front of them is not an ideal mate or a person they would consider dating.
    • Once the thrill wares off they may not even like the other person very much.

• Married People Having Sex Outside of Marriage
  • You can’t serve two masters. Once married people have lunch and get attracted (first HUGE mistake). The other person becomes the main object of thought.
    • The spouse then comes in second.
    • Artificial blame for the new relationship is often placed on the spouse.
  • Unless the first encounter ends in shame, it will only happen again with the intensity escalating.
  • The illegitimate couple denies the danger they are placing themselves and their families in.
  • They will experience most of the same things that people dating will experience:
    • Bonding to the person more than one should.
    • Accepting character flaws, one normally would not accept.
    • Accepting behavior, one normally would not tolerate.
    • Missing or denying any warning signs about that person or the relationship as they are revealed.
    • Lose of objectivity about the person and relationship and the belief that one still has that objectivity.
  • The relationship can only end badly – possibilities
    • Spouses being hurt.
    • Children hurt.
    • Families broken apart.
    • Split family holidays.
    • Not enjoying grandchildren together.
    • Although there are some successful recoveries, they are not the general rule.
    • If a person gets away with it once, they are likely to it again.
      • Even if they get caught, they may do it again.
    • Once discovered it will destroy the other partner’s trust, possibly for good.

• Dangers in Ministry
  • Men and women working as teams of two (unless married to each other).
    • Once a spiritual connection develops, people often get confused. Instead of being “brother” & “Sister” (a good and strong relationship) they frequently end up confused and having sex.
      • People may not be physically attractive to one another at first, or the spouses may be more attractive, but the two become attracted to each other because of the spiritual connection.
      • They become oblivious to any danger or deny the danger they have placed themselves in.
      • No good can possibly come from it if one is married. They have placed themselves in danger and sometimes honestly believe the setup is of God.
      • It can lead to broken marriages
      • It can lead to broken homes
      • It can even split churches – members feel betrayed or hurt
    • Women ministering to men alone or women ministering to men can lead to:
      • Romantic or sexual attraction – The persons may not be physically attractive to one another at first, or the spouse may be more attractive, but the two become attracted to each other because of the spiritual connection.
        • Can lead to broken marriages
        • It can lead to broken homes
        • Can lead to marrying a ministry project – strong possibility of marriage failure.

• Other Considerations

• Per some internet sites, the normal worldly dating pattern for many adults is there to five dates ending in time alone that ends in sex. Many relationships do not last long afterward.
  • This is a rather large physical risk due to STDs and a large emotional risk with the odds being in favor of a relationship failure.

• Adult and Young people’s advantages of sharing intentions as soon as possible.
  • A woman or man telling a potential relationship they want to stay pure
    • Scares at least half or more of them away fast. (Scares away both women and men).
      • A good screening mechanism for the most part.
      • Of those that remain some will get bored after 5 or more dates because nothing beyond kissing happens fast enough. (Both men and women).
        • Scares at least half or more of them away fast. (Scares away both women and men If that person persists – do they really care about your wishes?
        • Beware of those who may consider the statement a challenge or a conquest (Both men and women)
          • Are they even a friend, or just a person posing as one?
          • Why are they trying to persuade you to do something you stated you do not want?
            • Who is more important to them – you or themselves?
          • Do they consider that failing may hurt or harm their object of affection?
          • Do you want a person who minimizes your wishes?
          • If they really loved you, should it matter so much?
          • Why don’t they go somewhere else?
            • Chances are it’s their ego. Beware of flattery, seemingly kind behavior or manipulation.

• A person being nice to get what they want is manipulation – pure and simple.
• If two people are married and sex bonds them further is fine. One assumes they have chosen correctly, In such a case is good and very healthy to be dazed by one another. Making each other “stupid” and “dizzy” like a deer in front of the headlights is a good thing in this case.

• Conclusions – sex is not always what it is cracked up to be. It is a two-edged sword. Most often you are better off hanging out with your buddies, girlfriends or mates.

• If the love is real, not having sex, can bind you closer. While still having more objectivity in viewing the other person, not having sex also binds you.
  • Having sex with the wrong person bonds you incorrectly and is likely to cause pain.
  • Not having sex with the right person will bind you in a very inexplicit manner that will allow you to survive the storms, internal struggles, and outside assaults that all couples experience.
    • All couples will experience growing pains. The drama and turmoil are reduced when something as powerful as sex is not in the equation.
      • Not having had sex makes it easier to leave if you find the person is not what you thought they were
      • Having sex will artificially bind you.
    • Having true intimacy and a real spiritual connection is better than sex and very peaceful.
      • Such relationships are very rare.
      • When you sit holding each other and feel the real thing you will understand.
        • When that happens, sex is almost unnecessary.
      • If you have never had such a relationship or felt it -that is what you should be looking for.

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